Everyday has become harder than the day before. I have to force myself to speak more, I have to force myself to not be sad. However, the grief of Maydawn's death hangs over me. I've found that working helps me forget momentarily. I've made more phials of medicines and potions then I have in my entire life. I've even taken to making poisons to sell to River. However, I always tend to think about my sister in the end and depression consumes me once more. I went to the Pony yesterday to tell Cuilelass of Maydawn's death. She was unaffected, like always. She never came close to showing a sign of sorrow. What person hears of their child's death and just carry on without a second thought?
Nonetheless, Falarthin saw me there and when I came back to Dawn Hall, he was there. He snapped at me for being unescorted, but I do not think he realizes that I had to speak to Cuilelass alone. I couldn't have an escort for that task, it was something I needed to do by myself. Cuilelass and I haven't had a good relationship for a while, I've always felt bitter for her unemotional ways. I don't know what I expected when I told her. I never know what I expect when I tell her anything. I don't hate her anymore, I pity her. It hurts to look into someone's eyes and see nothing in return. Especially when that someone is suppose to be your mother.
