Entry 12

Do you know that feeling of sitting still, but the world around you seems to be rushing past you and could shatter away at any moment.  Almost like you are looking at a wondrous yet horrifying painting.  And you feel that if you touch it, your fingers would damage the paper and destroy it.  The world of infinite possibilities, the world of uncontrollable outcomes.  The world that can end in a blink of the eye, yet takes so long to begin.  The world that never stays the same long enough for you to grasp it.  The world that can turn joy into sorrow without a second thought.  The world that exists around us all... I wish this world could leave me be for a few moments and give me the ability to take it in before it changes again.  Ella's dead.  I've known her since before she could walk.  She was nine years old and an awful man murdered her without any reason for it.  When I found out she died, I seemed to lose all of myself and ran off to find the man.  Even though he had killed Ella, I still feel guilty that when he and I fought, I won and took his life.  If only there was another way, if only I could have saved him somehow.  But instead he died and I lived.  I'm not sure if there is anyone who can understand how I feel.  If there is anyone who can comprehend the guilt that rests in my soul for the man's death.  He deserved to die, I know this.  He murdered an innocent child for 'The thrill of people screaming.'  But I still feel extremely guilty for causing his death.  I don't even know his name, let alone his past.