Of all the things that I thought possible, this is naught of what I had imagined.
At first I thought I had caught an illness, being naturally closer to the ailing than the healthier of people. Increased heartbeat, at such a rate that made me assume my chest would explode, light sweating and a symptom I had not come across before; tingling, all over the region of the stomach. I admit, I gave myself unnecessary medication until I noticed that this state was generally temporary, and merely occurred when I happened upon Waldera at the earlier days. The symptoms returned and left with the sight of her, the thought of her sometimes, causing immense confusion and lack of focus to me. In fact, I had made quite a mess at my working space, constantly misplacing instruments and vials of medicine, fact which I have not spoken of to anyone. Unexplained rage filled me every time the Elf-Knot came near her. She did seem to react kindly to me, which I had not seen before that day when she did. People and kindness never came in the same sentence until then.
We were very much alike. We still are. She too reads, learns, concerns herself with literature and language, history and the remains of older kingdoms. She too explores the world, perhaps not entirely in the same way as I, though the fact remained; our goals matched. I kept wondering why she followed me, the thought that I became dependant on her scared me, as we kept getting to know eachother better. I tried to remain at a distance, until I felt my heart stop.
It were the day the Rohir Eofeole tried to lay a hand upon her.
He took her hand, nearly twisted it in his cretinous attempt to make fun of his own beard.
Until five minutes later, I made it certain, he lied on the floor, paralyzed, even though temporarily, and missing half of his hairy pride.
Eventually the pest were sent away..though..something were still amiss.
I saw Waldera’s features. She was weary from all the hastle. I thought the man would come after me, and I wished her to be safe, hence I made the stupid suggestion to her, not to speak to me from now on, lest something happened to her. I were a fool. Only a second after she turned her back to leave, did I realize how much it hurt to remain without her. I panicked. And called for her to wait.
She halted and gazed at me with those eyes of innocence. I took my words back. I could not resist the urge. In my stress, I tried to kiss her. To show her what great importance her presence held for me, so that she would stay instead. Never before had I thought that I could love another creature, nor that someone as delicate and wonderful would come to my path. Neither had it crossed my mind that the person I cared for, for the first time in my life, would show interest in me. I knew by then that I loved her, and my hopes were high.
I received a hit to bring me back to reality as I thought it.
A good slap.
I should have seen it coming, I thought. The first rule of people; they tend to hurt eachother when they deem it convenient.
I felt shame, guilt, disappointment. My world had collapsed in the blink of an eye. I said I was sorry, and turned to leave, a heavy burden tugging my chest down. I should have guessed it, I thought, that there was naught awaiting for me in the future or present. That I would always be trapped in the same room I spent my early days in. Bound to be an observer, not one to take part, not one to receive or deserve. I were fine with it, until that day.
I should have been stronger, I thought.
Though then, I heard her voice.
She followed me with tears in her eyes. She was scared, she said, and she held me in her arms. She meant naught with it, merely she did not expect me to react as such. Not that I can blame her for it. We spoke words of dedication, and she gave me her kiss, the greatest present I had ever had…I sensed her pulse with my whole being, and we had the same rate.
We knew we were made for one another.
A priceless moment that shall last in our memories.
Ever since we have shared many moments, all of them filled with mirth and tranquility. I feel as though I have found a shelter to shield myself, my thoughts into. Someone in this dark and unforgiving world that understands, someone that I can truly rely onto. I shall not fail my star. I care for her so much, that I would even take a life for her sake. Including my own, if it ever came to that.
We are not the same person however. People often take advantage of her kindness, politeness and pure heart. I shall not allow it.
I shall show her how to refuse.
I wish to set her free.
I hold the ring with which I shall propose to her. It is the most valued that I could come across. I truly hope it shall mean to her as much as she means to me. She shall always be free to chose, a simple yes or a no are clear enough to me.
Although I already know the answer.
