I am a terrible person.
There is no way for me to argue this fact. I am a terrible, horrible person. Haldrid expressed both love and trust for me and I could not so much as turn away when Cyfier came so close.
He found me atop my rock in Far Chetwood, as I knew he would. We spoke at length of many things including his intention toward the man Julian. He was surprisingly open with me concering that distasteful subject, for which I am glad. I may not like that which he plans, I may not agree with it, but I still prefer honesty to deception.
The conversation turned to that of dreams and home. My continued denials of any such feelings for Bree-land inspired him toward demonstration. He bade me walk with him and, stamping his boot into the earth at various locations, declared each spot in turn to be his newfound home. I appreciated the sentiment, of course, but still could not agree. We came to a stop at a rock near the edge of the woods and debated the matter just a short while longer before it happened.
He leaned down toward me and I simply watched him with curiosity. What, I wondered, had he upon his mind now? I had not suspected that he would touch his lips to mine for he had never shown an inclination toward such acts. I had not expected a kiss from him, but I know that I should have turned away. It was light, fleeting but for as long as it lasted it felt so right. It was only when our lips parted that I knew it was wrong.
I returned to Bree shortly thereafter. I sought Haldrid armed only with the intention of confessing my betrayal. I searched at length and in many places, all those I know him to frequent, but to no avail. Frustrated and guilt-ridden, I returned to Far Chetwood.
Cyfier found me there again as the night wrapped the world within her velvet cloak. When the rain began to fall, he insisted that I find shelter lest I become ill. I care not for the weather, being quite used to it's vagaries and water, however cold, has never concerned me as a dressing. Still, I led him through the cloying mud to a campsite on the edge of Nen Harn. I know not who it belongs to, but it ever seems deserted so we made use of the tent to dry ourselves and seek cover from the rain.
I found myself unable to resist as he pulled me close and when he kissed me once more I knew peace. There, within his embrace, I felt safe, untouchable, like no harm could ever come to us. I knew then that what once was still is; I love this man so deeply. We waited out the rain with a part of me wishing that it would never let up. I did not want us to have to part again, knowing that he leads such a dangerous existance that I may lose him for eternity at but a moment's notice. I wanted to stay there with him forever, seated within a musty tent, holding one another close in innocence as we spoke on matters both trivial and important.
When the rain ceased - all too soon, I felt - it was time to continue my search for Haldrid. He is a good man, kind and caring, gentle and understanding, but I do not expect forgiveness for my actions. What I have done to him is dispicable. I deserve his scorn, his hatred and I will face him, and it, knowing that I have no one to blame but myself. He deserves far better than I.
