It may have been the brightest summer day in Imladris as far as I remember. But it was the day when I met him. Istuir,- a warden of the Flower. Usually I am very shy when I approach a new acquaintance, but I recognized him, not him as a person, but his attire was known to me. I have seen many of his Herth patrolling near the borders to Lindon.
My home is Lindon, so to meet someone from the same location made me curious. Also, I felt a connection even if I haven't really spoken to him. I approached him politely, but he did not respond the way I hoped. His face had a grave expression and he looked quickly at me, before he cast his eyes on the surroundings again. I explained that I was from Lindon myself and I complimented the Herth. I told him how much I had in the past admired them and their deeds. He still did not respond the way I hoped, but he said politely 'Thank you'.
He did not appear quite comfortable to be in my presence and I apologized for my intrusion and left the grove. I felt rejected, but at same time I felt that an Ellon of his rank probably had much on his mind, than to talk to a common Elleth as myself..
It was not until a few days later I accidentally met him again. Restlessly I wandered around the borders of the Trollshaws. My curiosity of these lands made me choose some very reckless choices. I wanted to observe the creatures I have heard of in tales, to see if they were true. Instead, I saw a rider and I recognized him immediately. He probably had seen me already because he was on his way to where I had a campfire. He did not look amused when he approached me, he had the same grave expression as I remembered, and his piercing blue eyes felt so intense and critically. He asked me several questions why I was here, what my tasks were. I could not answer him properly. To answer him that I was here for adventurous reasons felt so wrong. I saw the seriousness in his eyes, and I immediately knew I probably should not wander alone in Trollshaws. I answered him the best way I could, hoping not to appear naive or stupid, but he did not respond. Instead, he asked me to walk with him for a short while.I did not hesitate, it felt wrong to reject his request, I just did not dare. He spoke quietly about his task in Imladris, and explained to me about the dangers in Trollshaws. He also said he was on his way back to Lindon, or rather a place called Thamas Lorn. He turned to me and asked me why I wanted to seek danger alone. "You are foolhardy Hallothel, but a brave one..". I asked him, how he knew my name? He smiled and said that I did introduce myself at our first encounter in Imladris. I smiled and looked quickly at him with flustered face.
He remembered me!! How could that be? He showed little… or no interest to converse with me in that past day.
He introduced himself as Istuir, a Warden of the Flower, he spoke briefly about the Herth, and what they did. I very rarely allow myself to become fascinated with a story for first time, but what he said kept my attention. I suddenly felt so connected to them and their vision and of their ways, all of this was alluring to me. I could not resist learning more, so I probably asked way too many questions than he would of liked. But he appeared to be polite and answered every question I had. I looked at him several times, his black hair, pale skin and his intense blue eyes were in such deep contrast to each-other, so it was a little hard not to look at him. He then turned to me and said. 'You seem you have your heart in the right place Hallothel. Why do you not consider to serve within the Flower? 'You will not only fulfil your adventurous desires. But you will also understand the importance of protecting something so precious as your lands.. , you will learn skills and techniques that will develop you, and you will also be safer when you scout alone'.I simply agreed to his answer, 'Yes I would’, but I never thought I was good enough, and the only Herth I would love to serve... Is yours!. The Flower'. He smiled, 'well you will never know if you are good enough if you do not try?’. Head home Hallothel!, and join me on my journey to Ered Luin.. Perhaps there will be a chance to introduce you to the leaders of the Mithdirith..
It was from that day, everything seemed to change, my life changed, my view of life changed, my maturity changed. I was accepted, and I quickly started train as a recruit. They were hard days, weeks and months. But I managed surprisingly well and my confidence grew along with my Stamina during the drill sessions. I did not see Istuir much though. He seemed to be a very central member of the Herth and had to mentor the new Wardens as they arrvied. I had other wonderful mentors that taught me the skills to range, scout and be a support for the Mithdirith. But I still believe Istuir felt some kind of responsibility for me, since he directed me to the Flower. When I saw him he always came to me and asked me how I was doing, and helped me with smaller tasks, and gave me advice. He appeared to be very kind as well, and I slowly learned that there were many good values underneath his seemingly hard, cold exterior.
When I got my blue attire after being accepted as a full member of the Herth, I was assigned real tasks, my initial training was over and I knew I now had to show myself as a true and diligent member of the Flower.
A recent task involved everyone available; we were assigned to assault Rath Teraig, to deal with their bold incursions on our lands. Istuir fought alongside other Wardens in the vanguard, fighting with his usual strength and skill. I was a rear guard to the assault, to protect the Sages and also provide ranged assistance if needed. All went well, but towards the end something went wrong, Trolls suddenly appeared and struck the skirmish line of Wardens, Istuir fell... His face was covered of blood. His usual strong presence and attitude were taken away from him, and he lay there, staring in a perplexed manner, he was badly wounded. I was terrified, in shock!!! I did what I could along with the Sage's to heal and care for his wound. I was so afraid to lose him, and it was at this time, I realised what he really meant, his friendship, his protection of me. His face was mangled by deep red blood, and he looked so weak. But still I cannot recall I have seen him so beautiful. His vulnerable state, showed him to be a person with weaknesses like the rest of us... The thought terrified me. This was not proper. I, Hallothel an Elleth of the Herth, could not start such nonsensical thoughts...
For days I cared for him, I felt it was my responsibility sort of, after all he had to be looked after while his head wound healed. It did not feel like an effort on my part, I just followed my instincts, it just felt more of an effort and let him be, and let him be cared for by someone else. During these days I learned that he really appreciated my help. Even though he did not speak much, he sometimes looked at me with his usual so strict piercing blue eyes, with some warmth.
Once he was well, he disappeared again, I did not see him much, and I did miss him. But I was so busy, focusing on my tasks as a Scout, so I managed complete my tasks well with the heart focusaed and in the right place. But the few times I saw him, made my heart beat faster, yet I felt silly to feel this way. He was too good for me and why would someone like him even look at my direction? Istuir is way too dedicated and focused and with his responsibility he probably did not have any time to even think of having an Elleth in his life.
It was not until months later my heart started to pine, I never knew that one could be so lonesome by slowly liking someone more and more. I thought it was only good things attached to it. But it was not.
Many thoughts started to whisper in my mind, more than my liking. I did not allow myself to feel the way I felt. I suppressed it, and I only felt empty and sad.
I do not even dare to tell myself what I really feel for him because it cannot be. I must focus on the Flower and my work, there is so much happening now. I love the Herth, I am here to be a protector, warrior and a scout. Not an Elleth with unattainable dreams...
