((The following takes place immediately after The Linhir Ripper - Part 16 - Xan's humble chronicler))
The secret door behind a bookcase in the office of the Mayor of Linhir pivoted open slowly, rasping on old, weary hinges. Through the space the company followed Ordan, the former mayor, up and out of the Undercity, the ancient warren of tunnels and chamber beneath Linhir used by smugglers and anyone else who wished to stay out of plain sight for generations.
Nethrida carried her sister Annedyl and supported Ryn. Feeling there was no time to linger, she moved out into the council chamber itself and then into the open air of the courtyard, followed by Addie (carrying Sneeze) and Eduwiges, who were both still dazed and outraged over failing to bring Mans down yet again.
Ordan glanced around his old office almost wistfully…then followed them, his mind already considering how to deal with the town itself, leaving Finchley and Xandilif in the office. Finchley moved to follow the others then stopped, realizing that Lif was not beside her. The elleth had dropped into the mayor’s plush chair behind the ostentatious desk…apparently exhausted, her face streaked with blood, SilverWand seeming to pulse, still in her hand.
Finchley moved to the Champion and ripped a bit of her sleeve off, silently regretting ruining something that was probably expensive for only a mere moment before using it as a makeshift handkerchief to wipe some more of the blood from Lif’s face.
Xandilif leaned her head back. At first Finchley thought that there was fresh blood then realized that Lif was crying, her eyes closed, the tears blending with the blood.
Finchley leaned in more, not to be deterred, still wiping away blood as gently as she was able. "Lif, I can't get all this when you're movin'..."
To the girl’s amazement, the elf let her work, actually holding still like a little girl while still crying. For a moment, Xandilif seemed almost pitiful in her grief.
Finchley tossed the now blooded strip of ripped cloth aside in frustration and ripped another piece from the other sleeve before using it for the same purpose, wishing she had clean water to use. After she tossed the second bit of cloth aside as well, she placed both hands on Lif's face, one on her cheek and the other across her forehead, as if feeling for a fever. "Lif, look at me."
Eyes now open, tears slowly abating but just because they had run out, Xandilif looked into her eyes, then bit her lip and clearly fought the urge to look away in shame.
Finchley put on a smile, even if it was a mildly desperate one. "Good... See, you're still here. And I'm still here and we're all still here. And we're gonna stay that way, aye? You're gonna stay with me, right?"
Xandilif looked down again, finally unable to face her anymore."Babygirl...I....I'm sorry....”
Finchley shook her head and moved around the chair to wrap her arms about her from behind, burying her face in the junction between the elf’s shoulder and neck. "No, don't apologize. You ain't done anything wrong. Even if things aren't what we thought they were." She looks up for a moment to glance at that sword in Lif’s hand, hugging her tighter. "You saved us, Lif."
Xandilif shook her head."No....I nearly let you all die...just like then, with the Lions...I....I'm sorry Babygirl…and I...I have done so much wrong...”
"You did not let us die... “ Finchley raised her voice. “Remember what I told you? Back in Bree? You did what you had to. So don't speak like that, like you're some kind of monster, cause you ain't..."
Her gaze still down, Xandilif whispered. "I am...I am a monster...we are a monster...you all only survived cause I am a monster and the little bastard forgot that the rules for me are different.” She laid the greatsword across the desk with a thud.
Finchley stepped away and moved back around to the front to take the Champions hands. "No you ain't. Just cause you're called the Banshee doesn't mean you are one. You are not the monster, Lif!" She raised a hand to her eyes and somewhat furiously wiped away one tear that was forming before pointing back the way they came in. "He is! Mans! He's the monster. He's the one who started all this."
Xandilif looked up at her, suddenly quiet and calm. “I was a fool....I was a fool then, I was a fool after Kheledul....I am always a fool....you should not be here....you CAN'T be here....”
Finchley squeezed her hands tighter, beginning to panic. "... Yes I can. I already am. Lif, I promised you."
Xandilif shook her head. "The promise don’t count. You didn’t know. I thought I could protect her, and Bram and Ann...but I couldn’t...and we died...but I am still here. I thought he was dead at Kheledul, I truly did. I thought I was safe so I let you...you....and he is NOT dead and you should not be here....I...I love you and I shouldn't...it will get you killed Finchley.
Finchley frowned, looking crestfallen and openly desperate, her voice beginning to plead. "Lif, don't you dare... Please. Don't leave me alone. This is as much my choice as it is yours. So, please don't... I'm just me. I can't... Everythin' I learned of Grams and myself, I don't want to face that alone. I-I will do it but... please don't make me do that all by myself. I'm not you, I can't pretend not to be afraid."
“You ain’t alone Babygirl...everybody loves you...Lethril...and Eduwuges and Neth...Even Addie loves you and she is a bitch.” Xandilif stroked Finchley’s face. “You ain’t gonna have to do nothing alone...but I...this ain’t gonna stop. HE ain’t gonna stop. I see it now...now I understand it. For the first time since that day in his tomb, outside of my dream, I heard that voice….Agon. The dead thing I took SilverWand from. It is all just gonna get worse.
Finchley smiled sadly. "Yes, I am surrounded by friends all the time now. But sometimes I think I'm the loneliest I've ever felt. Not for lack of friends." She let go of one hand and pointsed to her head and to her heart. "But in here. But now with you... You were there when I found out Hawke had died. You were there when Mister Rathvald brought that dagger and my brand started hurtin'. You were there at my Grams graveside. You were there when I gave Robin his name. You were there when... when they killed Missus Lind and when we rode away after. And when I ruined Mister Barliman's tables and chairs...'
Xandilif just nodded, no more words would come.
Finchley hugged her suddenly, tightly. "Please, I'm beggin' you. Don't leave me alone inside myself like this. Please still be there... I'll get better. I'll work harder. I'll fight and do whatever it is you and everyone else wants me to do. I won't run and I won't die if that means that you stay. I-I'll kick Mans' ass for you, if you want. I'm sure there's a way to."
Xandilif looked truly stunned..."Babygirl...I..." She suddenly stopped, staring down at her...mouth open as if someone just hit her with a brick...those words ringing in her head. “Don’t leave me alone…”
The Champion swallowed hard, and whispered, voice barely there at all...."No...no I did not leave Tris alone in the dark..and I will not leave you alone in the dark....whatever it takes and whatever it costs. Tris is gone...I let her go...I took all the stinking power of that dead army and cut her loose...for the first time in forever now, I realise, she is truly gone. I know what she wants me to do...I know what she's been telling me now...every damn night in that dream…”
Finchley frowned and blinked a bit. "What, Lif?"
The Banshee reached forward and rested one hand on the hilt of SilverWand. “I gotta face Mans as many times as it takes. Agon too if he insists...if I hide down in the depths all I will find is death, just like in the dream. You and I...we got to push harder....we got to make something different.'
Finchley nodded once uncertainly. "So... does this mean you'll stay? You won't leave me alone?"
'I won’t leave ya alone...I love you...I shouldn’t but I do...” Lif reached out and stroked her hair. “…and I will stay with you, no matter what it costs you...and I am sorry for that.'
Finchley smiled and wiped away a few tears before they could even fall. "Good... Ah- But don't think you're off the hook! I got questions for you and I mean for you to answer 'em truthfully and in full this time. But..." She glanced behind her at that sword on the desk. "That can wait for a while. At least until we're good and safe."
'What questions, Babygirl....we ain't likely ta get safer or gooder than we are now” Lif smiled weakly.
Finchley stayed silent for a moment and then sighed. "Maybe..." She circled around to the other side of the desk and rested her hands on the edge of it, close to but not touching SilverWand. "... You told me this sword takes care of you. But that ain't all it does, is it? Just now, I don't think it took very good care of you at all."
Xandilif took a deep breath. "I ain’t altogether sure what it does..I know without it, I am dead...and I know I keep it under control....usually.
Finchley blinked and went a little pale. "You're dead?... But you're alive right here in front of me. Why would you be dead without--... Lif, you said when Tris and you got shot, that you should have died... I ain't smart like Addie, so you better tell it to me plainly."
Xandilif sighed again, more deeply as she searched for words. "I ain’t sure I know how to say it plainly...I just know that...without the sword I can’t stay here...it keeps me here…and I keep it here.”
Finchley glanced down at the sword, looking unsure. "If it keeps you here then why did it do that to you in there? Why did it look like it was hurtin' you? Why did it feel like it was hurtin' us?"
“It...it used ta belong to some king...when Numenor was young, or maybe before that....” Lif rested one hand on the hilt again, almost as if her were soothing it, apologizing for speaking. “It was supposed ta keep this king, Agon, alive forever, but something went wrong, or different...anyway, it just held him there in that tomb, not alive, not dead. I think it decided he shouldn’t be allowed to run around free forever…But when I was almost dead...it called me..it..well..it wanted out of the bargain it made with him...and needed out of that tomb. So it did for me what it refused to do for him. It was supposed to suck the life out of everything around it...to feed him...but it decided it didn’t want to I guess....or maybe I convinced it otherwise'
Finchley sucked in a breath, processing all that in her head and then outright glared down at SilverWand. "... I /really/ don't like you. Not one bit. I don't care if you can't hear me or don't care to. I'm tellin' you right now. I don't like you and you better take care of Lif or I'll... kick your arse. I'll get Cal to take a hammer or somethin' to you. If you let Lif die I swear--..."
Xandilif laughed softly...."What happened down there, it was somethin about Tris..I guess being a little kid, she set the sword off feeding again, greedy and self-absorbed...feeding on all of you...and Agon was waiting, Mans must have cut some kind of deal with him. I ....well, I bent it a little, seeing as how I ain't really alive...
Finchley smacked herself in the forehead a bit. "It ain't funny, Lif. You are alive... Because I say so. I think with all you've seen and done, you're more alive than most people." She looked close to giving the sword an honest to goodness rude gesture but refrained from actually doing so. "Don't get greedy you... piece of kingly junk!"
Xandilif laughed some more. "I was able to get SilverWand ta feed on all those shades, not you idiots...Agon, he can’t do nothing with that sort of power, it ain’t life...it's death. Shadow. The same stuff that, from what she says, nearly did for Addie in the Blackbird's past....The power couldn’t do shite for Agon...but I used it to set Tris free. She is gone now'
Finchley actually stuck her tongue out at the weapon before raising a brow at Lif. "It ain't funny, honest! What do I have to do to make sure it doesn't do it again, huh? When it was... feeding, it looked like it hurt you a lot. So, I'd rather you not have to use it if there's another way. And it shouldn't just get to do whatever it likes whenever it likes."
Lif shrugged, 'What hurt, Babygirl. was bendin' it...I could have let it go and drink the lot of you dry, I'd have been fine. Course, if Agon did return, then all hell would break loose...but until then I would be aces.'
Finchley shook her head firmly and raises her othed brow. "Oh, sure, cause bleedin' out your eyes is 'aces'."
Xandilif smirked, “Hey, that could be a good look for me
Finchley rolled her eyes, 'Do you know how many clothes that could ruin? Expensive things?? I don't wanna get all that on me every time I give you a hug. Ew!" She stood up tall and attempted to look intimidating. "'I'm Xandilif, Bloodface. Hand over your grog or I'll get my kingly piece of junk to suck out your souuuullll!'"
The elf laughed. "Yeah....it don’t work that way...least I don’t want it to work that way...it...well...only did that once before...and it didn’t go as good as this time did'
Finchley smacked herself in the forehead again. "No, we are not havin' 'Xandilif Bloodface' be a thing. Nope. Nu-uh. Don't care if the sword's hungry. It's a sword, it ain't gonna starve to death."
Xandilif looked concerned and rubbed the girl’s forehead."Ya gotta stop doin that. How's your side?
Finchley paused, looking like the sudden show of concern was going to make her cry and let one hand come to rest over her left hip. "... It's fine now. I don't know why it reacted. I dunno what that man was even sayin'. But, whatever he said, it made it hurt." She looked to her toes. "I got caught off guard by the pain. I'm sorry."
Xandilif smirked. 'He was callin ya a beardless stripling...in the tongue of Angmar. Swear ta god we gotta start puttin ya in frilly dresses and whatnot.
Finchley snorted... Then bursted out laughing. "Ha! Well that's a relief then. I was half afraid he was one of them following me like back in Rivendell. Well, I think I got him pretty good in return... Eh, but you said somethin' in that funny tongue back to him. What'd you say?"
The elf looked uncomfortable. “Just...y'know...trash talk'
Finchley raises a brow. "Uh-huh. Knowin' you, it was probably more'n trash talk. But, nevermind, I don't think I wanna know. I'm just glad he wasn't watchin' me or anythin'... Next time I'll try better. If it starts hurtin' I'll try to ignore it." She didn’t sound so confident near the end of that but there was no doubting she would surely try.
Xandilif nods softly but her tone became serious. "It's gettin worse, Babygirl....we got bogged down here, we need to be seeing about you.”
"It's okay. This brand and everythin' that comes with it is my problem.” Finch sighed. “I'm carryin' the weight and I don't want it to fall on anyone else. Not on Neth, Addie, Xan, or Ryn, or Edu... They've all had enough sorrow to last for a good long while. I'm not about to rush them into more on my account."
A long silence stretched out, until Xandilif took her hand again. 'So you figure you want ta see about this...just me and you?'
"... I can't tell the others what to do. But I won't force them to stick their hands in this. But I can't do it without you. I'm sorry." She squeezed Xandilif’s hand, uncertain.
The Champion nodded softly..."I am with ya till the end, you know that. I just..worry about ya. As for the others, let’s find Rian and get home and make some decisions...at the very least we should have some time before Mans stirs up more shite.”
Finchley smiled and the two of them walked out, to where the rest of the company was waiting in the town square.
