Despite my best efforts, my disappointment at being excluded from Taala and Eroforth's wedding feast still occupied my thoughts. What had I done to deserve this? ah, she is a cold one that Taala, but her husband is not. I do not claim to know him well, but I liked him instantly the first time I met him, and this was what? Perhaps the third time I'd met him?
The man deserves his weight in gold for putting up with Taala. Her temper is the worst I've seen, but Eroforth seems to know how to get the best out of her. Despite, the fact I've been shunned, I had a wedding gift for them and so I made my way to their home choosing a time when I knew she'd be out. After all the last time I called on them, Taala broke some furniture over my back.
The Dalesman had a look of surprise on his face to find me upon his doorstep, but I was greeted with a smile non-the-less. What sort of woman am I seen to be? He gestured to his wedding ring and told me I was several months too late in calling for he was married now. In that moment, I saw how appealing to the eye the Captain's daughter's, husband is. I noticed his ring bore an inscription, I'd never have thought Taala would have given such thought, but there it was inscribed in the gold, her message to her husband, written in the tongue of our kinsmen “OUR LOVE IS OUR BOND, UNITED WE ARE UNBREAKABLE”.
He invited me in, and we talked so easily, we even indulged in some light hearted flirting, but Eroforth takes his vows seriously, and I am no home wrecker anyway, as tempting as it may have been, the man must have something about him if Taala has remained faithful. Furthermore, how refreshing to relax and speak so openly, and to a man who is straight forward, a man who does not guard his thoughts as if I would meddle in them. How light of heart he is, he told me something of his life and it has not been an easy one, yet, he does not complain about his lot or look upon the world in trepidation.
We shared a drink and then I raised the matter of the purpose of my visit, which was to discuss my exclusion from their wedding celebration. He was honest and told me he would not test Taala's patience on this, because it would not be fair, this was her day and she had her reasons for excluding me, whether he agreed with them or not. He did not believe she would bend on the matter, and jested that he had to save up his 'points' until he needed them more. Ah he is right, it is her day and if I am not welcome, then so be it.
I was heavy of heart, and had meant to just gift him the coin I had brought, for which he was most grateful and seemed somewhat apologetic for Taala's disdain towards me. T'was then I hesitated. Eroforth is a worldly man, he has certainly had his share of women and was once a womanizer, and given how easily we conversed, I asked him, if he believed a man's interest waned, once he had bedded a woman, for I believed that to be true of many of them. It made me uncomfortable when he answered my question with one of his own, he asked if this was about Seaver. Am I so obvious? So transparent? He said he believed the answer to my question was it depended upon the man and what he seeks. He asked if I really sought advice on how to make a man want more, I told him in no uncertain terms that was not what I was asking.
The conversation became awkward. He spoke on the matter of Ayla, and Seavers irritation that she had deduced he somehow loved me because he gave her one awkward look when the Spymaster told her I had visited Seavers home, an innocent visit … then at least. She was warming his bed at the time and would not entertain the thought of lying with a man who was attached, and I respect the woman for that, I share her principals. Seaver had been quick to deny there was any love between us and had been just as quick to affirm that he would make no commitment to anyone. We talked some more, and I found myself opening up to this man I barely knew. We spoke of love, honesty and of Seaver some more. I confessed, to this man I hardly knew, of my anguish that I was beginning to love a man who would never love me in return, and that I would never try to change him. Mayhaps I imagined the pity in his eyes, in everyone's eyes for I am surely judged a fool.
I think we have much in common, he told me he believed love is not measured by how much someone changes for you, but by how much you change for them. He said a person does change when they love someone, but it must be their choice to change; something given, not forced or demanded, and that is what he had done with Taala, their promises had been equal and not some high-handed requirement on his part. That is all very well and good, but Seaver will never allow himself to love. I had said too much, but then I always do, so I begged his pardon to take my leave, and just afore I did, he had some parting words of advice that lingered with me long after I left... “Do not settle for someone who does not change for you. Be it Seaver, or whomever. Too many women change themselves, hoping that will change their man,. Who then, of course, does not. Some men do the same for overbearing wives, I think. Change together, and equally, or not at all.” He told me he sensed my great affection for Seaver and bid me “Do not fall into that trap. But, perhaps, don't discount the possibility either. Still for your own sake, do not change for someone who does not change for you.”
I pondered on all that was said and I can not deny that I tread a hopeless path, and it is one I should tread no more. From now on, I must stay away from Seaver otherwise all that I have achieved in terms of garnering his friendship and his trust will be undone. I must somehow dig deep and stop these visits after nightfall.
Amidst all of this, I almost forgot, I have found evidence that someone has been sleeping in one of the stables at the farm, a man from the looks of it, for whomever it was left behind a pipe. What fool would light a pipe in a stall full of straw? Ha, Neyaa Sunngifu, who are you to judge someone a fool after the way you have conducted yourself? This pipe is rather distinctive though, a pattern around the barrel, a ring of leaves. What is also unnerving is that I believe I have seen that pipe before...and I felt one of those chills as if someone had walked over my grave.
