I walked on the road away from Last Homely House, and my feet started to climb a small hill, or rather towards a cairn, the cairn of Themodir. Elvealin has told me what had happened in his funeral, and I wanted to pay my own respects.
My feet feel heavy at the newly set grave, and it's hard to move. One is just expecting something… waking up from a nightmare, perhaps? Or are memories taking over, about Themodir or someone else?
I picked up a stone and added it to the pile. I too feel grief, even though I didn't see him for a long time. Mainly because he was a kind of elf I would've liked to be better acquainted with, and he was one of us. Ararusco was there, and he greeted me with a nod. So I stood in silence with him for a while.
He breaks the silence in a low voice. ”Did you know him? I did not,” he says. ”I met him a few times. He actually talked me into joining a Hammer mission in Eregion. I thought he was pleasant, and I would've wanted to to know him better,” I said. It happened before I joined the Fountain, as Anglachelm requested before his distress. One thing led to another, and I found myself looking for him in seemingly desperate mission, though it proved that it was not in vain.
I realize now that I have thus far done more with Hammer in my uniform of Lórien, than with Fountain in my uniform of Fountain. I have respect for them as brothers much as I have respect for the Fountain. Veryacano had offered me to join the Hammer once if I become restless. While I do appreciate his offer, I don't prefer to be fickle in my loyalty, and so I can wait, despite I grow restless in being idle.
I look at Ararusco, whom I had shortly worked with in Minas Elendúr. Feeling the need to talk, it is too easy to stray the topic to the life of a warrior, and to take the chance to know a brother of Fountain a bit better. At least that is something that we, meaning him, I and Themodir, have had in common.
”He was not only a warrior but a beloved warrior. But we all know the price.” I say and add in half jest but with a serious undertone: ”But don't we go wherever the sword or spear points, obeying our superiors, trusting that doing so is right?” Indeed Ararusco laughed. ”I have learned that disobeying our leaders is sometimes in place,” he said and added that he has gotten his part of the bad orders that have made his life at times miserable.
I think I do understand what he means now. He wants to do better deeds as a warrior and as a smith, to cover his darker past. ”If disobeying bad orders saves lives, so be it. Themodir was lucky what comes to leaders,” he added.
”Perhaps I should show appreciation for the Elves close to me a bit more often.” ”We all feel the need when someone has died,” he answers. True… but I continue: ”I also think of why I was not there, if I could have done something to prevent this,” which had been a feeling that I had been all too familiar with.
”It is self centered to think that one would have made the difference. A great strength of Hammer was present,” but Ararusco continues with a smile: ”But those are my sentiments as well.” Again, he is right… arcane arts or unknown poison – those enemies exist that cannot be fought with a blade. I feel my life rushing through my head again, and I soon return to the present, looking at the grave of Themodir.
I ask Ararusco about his smith work, and apparently the ancient hammer we retrieved had served him well. ”Perhaps you can come over to the forges and see yourself.” I nod with interest.
Finally I ask ”What are you planning to do if the war is won?” ”I will take whatever judgement awaits me, either in Mandos or the rebuilt Alqualondë.” ”Then may your better deeds weight more.”
I say farewell to both Themodir and Ararusco, wishing well to both as brothers as well as I could, departing back to my home.
